Chat Room Warriors
by Leopardstorm
Summary: The most overdone humour of all time except for Warriors Idol, The W Factor or Warriors Have Talent , with a Leopardstorm infliction on it. Expect silliness, randomness and even some T plus-rated moments as Warriors go online
1. Usernames

**My first crack at humour, guys, so go easy on me…**

**This will be just the usernames for each cat, but be prepared for some serious kitteh-chatting! **

**Don't forget to read and review!**

**  
Leopardstorm!**

**Allegiances – The Usernames!**

**Firestar:** GreatBallsOfFire

**Brambleclaw:** Deputy_Dude

**Jayfeather:** You're_Blind_To_My_Brilliance

**Greystripe:** Fire's_Annoying_Friend

**Dustpelt:** I_ _Sandstorm

**Sandstorm:** Desert_Tempest

**Brackenfur:** Boring_Bracken

**Sorreltail:** StarClan's_Target_Practice

**Cloudtail:** So_What?!

**Brightheart:** Pack_Pack

**Thornclaw:** Lonely

**Squirrelflight:** Forlorn_Fluff

**Leafpool: ***sigh*

**Spiderleg:** Daisy_Crusher

**Birchfall:** Silly_name_001

**Berrynose:** Everybody_loves_meh!

**Mousewhisker:** Mousey

**Cinderheart:** Love_is_blind

**Lionblaze:** Golden_Wonder

**Ferncloud:** Kit_Machine_6000

**Longtail:** Stevie_Wonder_#1_Fan

**ShadowClan:**

**Blackstar:** Knitting_Dude_006

**Russetfur: **Growl_865

**Tawnypelt: **Rowanclaw_IS_male_001

**Rowanclaw:** Ex-Dress_Modeller_002

**Tigerheart:** Bog_Off_Grandad!

**WindClan:**

**Onestar: **Firestar_Hater

**Crowfeather:** meh

**Nightcloud:** Breezepelts_Living_Shield

**Breezepelt:** Lionblaze_Hater

**Heathertail:** I_ _Lion

**RiverClan:**

**Leopardstar:** Spotty_Leopard

**Mistyfoot: **Smoke_On_The_Water

**Reedwhisker: **Clarinet_Player_007

**Other Cats:**

**Ravenpaw: **Flight_Of_The_Brave_Bird

**Barley: **Hates_Stupidly_Long_Names!!!!!!

**Princess: **Royal_Kitty_xx

**Smudge: **Biscuits

**Stormfur:** Brook_Lover_001

**Brook: **Stormfur_Lover_002

**Other Animals:**

**Midnight: **Cats_I_Love…

**StarClan:**

**Bluestar:** Control_Freak_xx

**Whitestorm: **Kind_Whitey

**Brindleface: **Stupid_Name_002

**Feathertail: **Take_That_Sharptooth

**Tallstar: **Tells_Tall_Tails

**Place of No Stars:**

**Tigerstar: **Evil_Kitty_001

**Hawkfrost:** Evil Kitteh_001

**Brokentail: **Someone_Fix_My_Tail_294

**Ashfur: **Reduced_To_Ash

**Okay, so what do you think of the names? Please read and review and I hope to get another chapter up soon.**

**Peace out!**

**Leopardstorm!**


	2. Transgenders and Toenails

**This is the first real chapter of Chat Room Warriors, and I hope you will like it. In case you didn't previously know, if you review I always comment in this section (even more of an incentive to review!). My aim for this story is to reach 100 reviews (that would make my Christmas super awesome – as I hope to update a lot now the Christmas holidays have started).**

**Thundercat29r: I lolled every time I thought of them!**

**Nianque: Aaaaaawwww, thank you so much. I hope my story lives up to your review!**

**Macey-the-Invisible: All names are as of Sunrise (I may never read the Fourth Apprentice… D:)**

**Laughing Rain: Ferncloud scares me (three litters with no stretch marks?!). Yes, I needed to have a bit of humour on my profile!**

**Okay! Let's get started…**

**Happy holidays, from Leopardstorm**

**(PS – on the usernames, Dustpelt's should read 'I_Heart_Sandstorm' and Heathertail's should read 'I_Heart_Lion')**

**Chapter 1 – Why the New Prophecy cats aren't in one anymore…**

_Deputy_Dude just logged in despite his very busy schedule (comprising of ignoring Squirrelflight)._

_Forlorn Fluff just logged in from the Horseplace's PC_

_Rowanclaw_is_Male_001 just logged in while protesting about her 'mate's' gender…_

**Deputy_Dude: **Wow, I only just logged in and already one cat's here!

**RIM_001: **What about Squirrelflight?

**Deputy_Dude: **My, what wonderful weather we are having…

**RIM_001: **Don't change the subject…what's wrong with-

_meh just logged in out of boredom and hope that a certain tabby kitty is around…(and conveniently changed the subject)_

**Deputy_Dude: **What a wonderful surprise!

**Meh: **i'm not here to be stalked….

**Deputy_Dude: **O.O

**RIM_001: **8O

**Forlorn Fluff: ***sigh* hey guys…

**RIM_001: **So, Brambleclaw, are you going to tell me what the problem is or-

_Take_That_Sharptooth just logged on as another convenient distraction…_

**Take_That_Sharptooth: **I love being on StarClan's computer…we have a screen saver that tells you the time…. =)

**RIM_001: **…okay…

**Take_That_Sharptooth: **What does RIM_001 mean? *confuzzled*

**Rowanclaw_Is_Male_001: **It's soooooooo true!

**Take_That_Sharptooth: **looooooooooollllllll! Everyone knows 'it' had his accident in Starlight (Vicky doesn't seem to like you…!)

**RIM_001: **And what would you know about being liked? You got killed off in Moonrise – by a random savage who just seemed to like the taste of mountain meat (and that is supposed to sound dodgy!)

**Take_That_Sharptooth: **Trannie, trannie, trannie, trannie….you had kits with a she-cat!! ROFL!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

**RIM_001: **you are going to pay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_RIM_001 logs off but reasons are presently unknown…_

**Take_That_Sharptooth: **Phew…

_That_That_Sharptooth just got forcefully logged off…_

**meh: **okay…thats not in anyway weird…

**Deputy_Dude: **why do you no use grammar?

**meh: **do i look like i would stoop that low?

**Forlorn Fluff: **Brambleclaw…

**Deputy_Dude: ** Did you just hear something?

_Brook_Lover_001 just logged on after mating with the sacred bush outside Purdy's old toenail clippings…_

**meh: **you couldnt get a more retarded username than that…or a more retarded reason…

**BL_001: **hey, I happen to like that bush!

**meh: **i think you like lots of bushes :P

**BL_001: **Babababab…you. take. that. back…!

**meh: **you might want to change Brook_Lover_001 to Bush_Lover_001… :P

_BL_001 has gone to beat up Crowfeather…_

_meh has just gone to sort stormfur out…_

_*sigh* has just logged in to make cats feel sorry for her…_

***sigh* : **cry, cry, cry

**Forlorn Fluff: **Bramblekins…?

**Deputy_Dude: ** What was that about transgender toenail piles (I don't listenz)?

**Forlorn Fluff: **Bramble-wamble?

**Deputy_Dude: **Who likes short-shorts? I like short-shorts….

***sigh*: BRAMBLECLAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Deputy_Dude: **O.O

_Take_That_Sharptooth returns victorious_

_Rowanclaw_Is_Male_001 has returned defeated, burnt, and now single_

**TTS: **Booyah! I win! Being in StarClan has advantages…

**RIM_001: **Who would have thought that 76 lightning bolts, 112 Chinese assassins and 42 chincillas could change Rowanclaw's privates that much…?

_meh returns victorious_

_BL_001 has returned with a tree wedged into his ear, a rock in his eye and a Twoleg nest in his…..um….*whispers* poo-place_

**meh: **thats why i am 4x the man u will evr b!

**Deputy_Dude: **Talk properly….

**meh: **ok… :(

_*sigh* has changed her name to I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!_

**I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!: **SHUT UP! Shut you *censored*……*censored*….*oh my StarClan*….*did she just say that?*…..*bleep…*

**I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!: **BRAMBLECLAW: YOU ARE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST *CENSORED*! YOU ARE ALWAYS BEING A COMPLETE *CENSORED* AND I HAVE ALWAYS HATED YOU!

**Deputy_Dude: **O.O

**I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!: **FEATHERTAIL, ALL YOU EVER DO IS COME TO CATS WITH GOOD ADVICE,I NEVER SAW YOU HAVE KITS, AND BREAK THE WARRIOR CODE AND DO *CENSORED*…*NOT EVEN I THOUGHT OF THAT!*……

**TTS: **don't hurt meh….

**I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!: **AND STORMFUR…*censored*…*CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* ** *INHALES DEEPLY*

**BL_001: ***cries a river…*

**meh: **um….Leafpool…do you wanna…hang out up Purdy's toenail collection…?

**I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!: **…okay.

_meh has logged off to have fun with his lady_

_I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!!! has gone off to have fun at the toenail collection…_

**RIM_001: **Well, I must be off…I have Rowanclaw to dump…I don't want to hurt hi- no _her_ feelings…

**BL_001: **gotta go…

_RIM_001 has logged off to go and share Rowanclaw's true gender with SpongeBob and a horny guy from Australia_

_BL_001 has logged off to go and watch Leafpool and Crowfeather make out at the toenail pile…_

**Deputy_Dude: **EEEUUUUGGGHHHH! pervert…

**Forlorn Fluff: **Bramble-peep?

**Deputy_Dude: **what…?

**Forlorn Fluff: ***makes out with Brambleclaw*

_D_D and F_F both log off to do more than make out…_

_Evil_Kitty_001 logs on invisibly to spy on D_D and F_F…_

_Evil_Kitteh_001 logs on to follow the almighty spirit_

**Evil_Kitteh_001: **EEEEUUUUUGGGGHHHH! Pervert!

**Evil_Kitty_001: **Shut up.

**So that's the chapter, I hoped you enjoyed it. Please review and if I get 20 reviews for this chapter, I will do an uncensored version of this chapter with Leafpool going slightly crazy…**

**Happy reading!**

**Leopardstorm!**


	3. The Leader's Afterparty

**This is another instalment of Chat Room Warriors! The last one was a big hit and I have some requests! But first, here are some responses!**

**Macey-the-Invisible: It took me two hours to write simply because I lolled every time I thought of something!**

**Mysticbreeze: That was funny! :P**

**thundercat29r: it would, but I don't see it happening!**

**Finally, Nianque did a request and I will do that next update. For now, let's get on with the show!**

**PS- it is actually snowing in the UK as I write this…something I never thought I would see again! :P**

**Disclaimer: I do not, in part or in whole, own…the Birdie Dance, Barney the Dinosaur or Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds…  
**

**Chapter 2 – The Leader's Afterparty…**

_GreatBallsOfFire has logged in drunk, with a hand-grenade and two pints of whisky in his hand_

**GreatBallsOfFire: **that was sommmmmmeeeeeee party! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

_Control_Freak_x has logged in drunk on Ribena._

**Control_Freak_x: **Tigerstar: KISS MY A-*falls over*

_Firestar_Hater has logged in, missing the party while protesting about KittypetClan_

**GBOF: **You…take…that…back…you…non…kittypet person… :S

**Firestar_Hater: **Hah! You can't even come up with a better name!!!

**GBOF: **And you can do…*burp* better…?

**FH: **Let's seee…..stupid, idiotic, moronic, retard, you are a loser, you have no life….*censored* *censored* *not again…*

**GBOF: **Ok, I didn't ask you to swear, love…

**CF_x: **I can see BIRDIES!!!! *dances the Birdie Dance*

_Knitting_Dude_006 has logged in with two ladies cleaning his teeth and a pile of old knitting covering his…_

**KD_006: **This chat thing is really retarded, you know…it's even more retarded than the time Firestar tried to do a magic trick with a deck of cards but all he did was turn himself into a chicken….oh wait. He already was one before he started! *maniacal laugh*

**FH: **Bravo! Wünderbar! Génial!

**KD_006: **Get lost! You have about as much sense as someone with one whisker. Oh wait. That's you!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ROFLAOQWERTY!

**FH: **How humiliating!

_Firestar_Hater logs off to steal Blackstar's knitting…_

**CF_x: **EEUUUUUGHHH! Pervert!

**GBOF: **_Picture yourself in a boat on a river_

_ With Tangerine trees and marmalade skies…_

*essentially, Firestar's a bit of a druggie…*

**CF_x: ***gasp* Firestar! I thought I told you better than that……you were supposed to give half to me!

_Purdy just logged on interested greatly in Firestar and Bluestar's convo!_

**Purdy: **Did somebody say marmalade!?

**CF_x: ***a tad high*…it's some lovely stuff!

**Purdy: **WHERE IS IT?!!!!!!!

**GBOF: **_look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone…._

**Purdy: **That sounds like my ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-wife!

_Purdy logs off to have *censored* with a microwave_

**KD_006: **Who stole my knitting? That was keeping my-

_Firestar_Hater has logged on clutching Blackstar's knitting in his mouth_

**FH: **BOOYAH!!! I have Blackstar's knitting! Go Onestar, it's your birthday! Go Onestar, it's your birthday!

**KD_006: **I wouldn't put that in your mouth if I were you…

**FH: **Why?

**KD_006: **Just…don't!

**FH:** YOU PEED YOURSELF IN THIS?!

**KD_006: **Told ya! ROFLOFAQWERTY!

**FH: **YUCK! *spits urine out*

**GBOF: **I think he is a bit….peed off! PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**CF_x: **Lol…lol…birdies!!!!

_Tells_Tall_Tails has logged in out of extreme boredom and sweet overload…_

**T_T_T: **HYPER! HYPER! HYPER! HYPER!

**KD_006: **So you are…hyper!

**T_T_T: **GO FOOTBALL!!

**KD_006: **I'm gonna go before I get stupidized…

**C_F_x: **_Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination…_

**KD_006: **Too late…

_Knitting_Dude_006 has logged off in fear that he may become…one of them…*paranoid*_

**T_T_T: **I think I'm gonna go too – need more Ribena!!!

**CF_x: **Who's gonna steal my Ribena?

_Tells_Tall_Tales has logged off to jump off the White Cliffs of Dover…hyperness! :P_

**FH: **I refuse to be involved with the hated…

**GBOF: **Don't go hard on yourself…!

_Firestar_Hater has logged off annoyed and defeated (and smelling like urine)._

**CF_x: **Looks like it's just you and me!

**GBOF: **Wanna *burp* make out?

**CF_x: ***makes out with Firestar*

_Spotted_leaves has logged in to invisibly spy on Firestar_

_EvilKitty_001 has logged in invisibly to watch people make out_

**EvilKitty_001: **EEEEEEEUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH! Pervert!

_EvilKitteh_001 has joined to be at one with the evillest (and most renowned acrobat) in the Place of No Stars._

**EvilKitteh_001: **Remember last time….? *growl*

**EvilKitty_001: **SHUT UP! Wait. Don't hurt meh!

**That's the second chapter! I hope you enjoyed it (I don't think it was as good as Transgender and Toenails but that's your decision**

**Peace out **

**Leopardstorm**


	4. The iCafe Behind the Warriors Den

**Chapter Three of Chat Room Warriors is up!!! YAY! This is dedicated to Nianque, who requested this chapter!**

**REVIEWS!!**

**.lolcatsrule.: First of all, yes lolcats do rule (they make meh lol!) and yes it's supposed to be weird.**

**Laughing Rain: Are you sure it wasn't my intention…?**

**Nianque: Leopardstar is a bit old to get drunk….**

**Macey-the-Invisible: Maybe I should…**

**Horseangel101: THANK YOU!!!  
**

**Here is Chapter 3, and don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, Peanut Butter or any Internet Cafés…**

* * *

**Chapter 3 – The iCafe behind the Warriors Den**

_You're_Blind_To_My_Brilliance has logged in, knowing full well that they can't meet behind the warrior den anymore because of the instalment of a Warrior iCafe…and how much smaller it seems…_

**YBTMB: **Peace and quiet…you know sometimes its nice to be in a chat room by yourself…*sighs contentedly*

_Golden_Wonder has logged in laughing at Jayfeather's failage at conversation while showing his big tough abs to anyone who would care…_

**YBTMB: **No-one, then Golden_Wonder… *laughs*

**GW: **Shut up, Jayfeather. Just because you're jealous…

**YBTMB: **SHHHHHH!! Don't reveal our names…it could give away the prophecy!

_As_Light_As_A_Dove has logged in while rubbing her powers in front of Ivypaw's nose…_

**YBTMB: **I thought you didn't want to be part of the prophecy…

**ALAAD: **That was until I found out what Ivypaw was doing with Bumblepaw from the comfort of the apprentice's den.

**GW: **Eew, Dovepaw, did you have to tell us that?

_Holly_Prickles has logged in from the tunnels, whilst plotting her revenge…_

**YBTMB: **You're alive!

**HP: **You're not as blind as I thought you were, Jayfeather.

**YBTMB: **Stop saying our names out loud, we don't want anyone seeing us talking about the prophecy.

**HP: ***clears throat* HEY EVERYONE!! JAYFEATHER, LIONBLAZE AND DOVEPAW ARE TALKING ABOUT A SECRET PROPHECY THAT WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOU!!!

**YBTMB: **We're dooommmmmmeeeeeeddddd!

_*sigh* has logged on, sighing because all Crowfeather did at Purdy's toenail collection was bash her over the head with an inflatable dinghy._

**HP: **Was that really Hollyleaf?

**YBTMB: **Well, this is the end of the secret…

***sigh*: **What secret…?

**GW: **Of….where the peanut butter is stored!! *laughs nervously* Yeah…Firestar keeps it in his back pocket at all times, I was brave enough to have a lick.

**YBTMB: **Taken out of context, that sounds rather wrong…

***sigh*: **:O

_meh has logged on out of boredom (Nightcloud is no fun after two in the afternoon…) and remorse that he hit Leafpool over the head with an inflatable dinghy (he should have used a chocolate badger)_

***sigh*: **I thought we loved each other!!

**meh:** it was a symbol of our love ; have you never heard of 'hitting your mate with an inflatable dinghy day' before

***sigh*:** Are you sure you weren't just trying to get cheap entertainment from me?

**YBTMB:** That sounds even dodgier out of context...

**meh:** nope (even though it was funny)…kits, we need private time now…

*awkward silence*

**GW**: THANK STARCLAN!!

_meh and *sigh* have both logged out to run away…to McDonald's (that was the closest they could find to have a date…)_

**YBTMB:** Finally, we are alone! Now, what are we going to do about-

**HP:** NOTHING!! MUAHAHAHAHA! I have secretly raided your Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream Fridge until you hand over your puny powers to my awesomeness!!! :P

**GW: **Not the Ben and Jerry's!!

**ALAAD: **We must be strong…NOT THE BEN AND JERRY'S!

**YBTMB: **Am I the only sane person left?

_Purdy has logged in_

**Purdy: **THERE'S ALWAYS ME!

**YBTMB: **Half-Moon, take me with you….!!!!

_Cut_In_Half has logged in from ancient times_

**CIH: **How could you leave me, Jay's Wing??!! *hits him over the head with an inflatable dinghy*

**YBTMB: **Stupid Rock…what's the point in him anyway? He's just a stupid hairless thing that tries to keep me interested…he has bad breath…can I come with you?

**CIH: **Sure! *private stuff*

**Leopardstorm, Golden Wonder, Holly Prickles and As Light As A Dove: **EUGH!!!

_Love_Is_Blind has logged in whilst having a crying fit (and comforting herself by eating the Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream she found in front of the tunnels…)_

**HP: **NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I was maybe gonna eat them someday… *Sobs*

**LIB: **How could you Jayfeather!? You run away with a random cat that you slept with _once!?_

**YBTMB: **That's it, I'm broken in half *both halves flop to the floor and shoot blood everywhere before they seal and become two different cats*

_Jay's Wing (Man) has logged in feeling a little dazed (and a little confused with the time warp)._

**JW(M) :** YAY! It's kitty makin' time!

_Cut_In_Half and Jay's Wing (Man) have logged off to go to Purdy's Toenail Pile (around the time of the dinosaurs, which still had pieces collected…)_

**GW: **That's it, I need to go find Heathertail to go release this suspense…

_Golden_Wonder has logged off to go and find Heathertail…and some…_

**HP: I am defeeted…**

**YBTMB: **Learn to spell, Hollyleaf…

**HP: **NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

_Holly Prickles has gone to do more scheming…_

**ALAAD: **I am going to see what else Ivypaw is doing with Bumblepaw…!

**LIB: **EUGH! Pervert!

_Evil_Kitteh_001 has logged in to say his line…_

**Evil_Kitteh_001: **You said my line!

**LIB: **=P

* * *

_**So that's chapter 3…I hope you like it (I don't think this is one of my better chapters…).**_

_**Still, read and review, and I will put another chapter up requested by 'Macey-The-Invisible'**_

_**TTFN!  
**_

_**From Leopardstorm!**_


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